44-year-old man refuses to sit in living room because fiancé put pink pillows on couch: 'I've been trying really, really hard to hold my tongue'

What if something as simple as a pillow threatened your relationship? Room decor is a personal thing. It can make a difference in how we feel about ourselves and our space. If you don't feel comfortable in your own home, then there is a bigger issue at play here. Your home needs to be somewhere where you can decompress and get rid of the anxieties of your day. If it's a hostile environment, then you need to do your best to get help to get out of it. Maybe you put a little effort into cleaning or redecorating, or maybe you try to save money to move out. 

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  • A man looks upset sitting on his couch
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • But space is also a compromise you make with whoever you're sharing it with. When you live with someone, you have to decide together what works for both of you. Maybe one of you is more interested in decorating than the other so they take the lead on it. Maybe you decide together what you want your apartment to look like. In any case, you should try to make it so you're both happy, especially in a marriage. You're both in it for life, so you want to make it work; you have to make your space work. If all of the creative direction is coming from one of you, then things are bound to get a little hairy down the line. That's what happened to this couple, where a couple of throw pillows threatened their whole marriage. They kept hitting the same roadblock and weren't sure how to proceed. 

    While they tried to make the relationship an even split in terms of decor, one of them was clearly outweighing the other. The problem was, there was a total communication breakdown over what was acceptable decor in the home. The wife wanted to enforce her tastes on her husband, and it was slowly driving him away. They weren't able to reach a conclusion by themselves, so the husband reached out to the internet for a little advice and support. Scroll through to read the entire story and decide what you think about it. Then let us know your take in the comments.

  • My (44M) fiancée (43F) filled our house with pink pillows despite knowing I hate the color, and now says my opinion no longer matters?

    I'm (44M) a pretty simple guy. I don't try to make my bedroom this grandiose thing. My style choice is making the bed so it looks nice and simple, with no extra fluff or decorative pillows. When my fiancée (43F) and I moved in together, she started putting some blue decorative
    via u/epyoch
  • pillows on the bed. I have to admit, it wasn't bad. She asked me how I felt about it, and I told her honestly that I actually liked the changes. She then asked, "What about pink pillows?" I simply stated no. There are really only two colors I don't like as decor: pink and yellow. Pink because I've just never been a fan of that shade, and yellow because it triggers a very bad childhood memory for me. This
    via u/epyoch
  • conversation happened 3 years ago, and over the years she would occasionally make comments about it, so I know she never forgot my stance. The Issue A few weeks ago, she bought a bunch of pink pillows for the bedroom and the living room. It bothered me to no end. I figured I'd try to just get used to it, so I decided not to bring it up.
    via u/epyoch
  • Lately, I haven't really been hanging out in the living room or the bedroom like I used to. Instead, I've been retreating to the only room in the house that isn't completely turning pink: the garage, which we semi- converted into a second living room. (It still has 2 pink pillows, but that beats the 6 in the main living room and the 4 in the bedroom).
    via u/epyoch
  • The Confrontation For some necessary context: We've been getting into fights almost every weekend lately. I will say or do something stupid, and she will go off on me, saying things like, "You don't let me be a person." Because of this, I've been trying really, really hard to hold my tongue when I have issues with her and just be supportive.
    via u/epyoch
  • Yesterday, she noticed my withdrawal to the garage and explicitly asked for my opinion on the new decor. Because she asked directly, I didn't feel like lying. I told her the truth: I absolutely hate the pink in the living room and the bedroom. She went off on me again, repeating that I am "not letting her be a person," and explicitly told me that she has decided my opinion no longer matters.
    via u/epyoch
  • I tried to keep the peace and just avoid the rooms, but when asked directly, I answered honestly. How should I handle this?
    via u/epyoch
  • A woman sits upset on the edge of her couch
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Commenters wondered if there was something more going on here.

    beththereader ESH. She shouldn't have tried to bulldoze you and make decisions about decor unilaterally. You, on the other hand - 6 pink pillows on a sofa is enough to make you not want to sit in a room? Are you serious? Do either of you even like each other?
    via u/beththereader
  • Emotional-Stick-9... So pink isn't a trauma color for you, you just hate it with so much passion you'll avoid rooms that have too much of it? Yall need therapy, because this is exhausting. Esh
    via u/Emotional-Stick-9372
  • Leigeofgoblins ESH if this was a healthy, - stable relationship this wouldn't even be an issue. You'd have made decisions together and compromised to have colours and things you both like. It sounds like you guys need to talk about whatever the actual issue is or call it quits. This is clearly about much more than some stupid pillows.
    via u/Leigeofgoblins
  • Certain Candidat... There is way too much left out of this. Why does she feel you are not letting her be a person? Decorative discussions should be done mutually. When I wanted to change the pillows on the couch, i went and bought three sets that I liked and
    via u/Certain_Candidate248
  • asked my SO which they liked better. We went with that option. Knowingly picking something your partner isn't going to like is not "not letting her be a person". It is just selfish. But I think there is something more going on
    via u/Certain_Candidate248
  • here. Are you controlling in other ways? Do you frequently that things be done your way? Do you have strict rules? Do you determine what you both do socially? You need to have clear and non-confrontational
    via u/Certain_Candidate248
  • discussion without getting defensive. There should be zero reason why pink pillows could not have been discussed, so that they could be returned. Also what are you saying or doing that is stupid (your words "I will say or do something stupid")? I need more context. Right now it sounds like you two need to move on.
    via u/Certain_Candidate248
  • jdo 5000 This is some petty a sh. You got way worse problems than the pillows that you need to address.
    via u/jdo5000
  • TightBeing9 You guys are too old for this nonsense. There are people d ng and you two are fighting over PILLOWS
    via u/TightBeing9
  • Own-League-7473 ESH, but you more. The sulking over a COLOR GTFO. It she was assaulting you with yellow, your trauma color, I'd give it to you. But "I just don't like the shade" and can't be in a room over a few pillows? It's actually insane. What do you do at the park when you see flowers of that abysmal hue?
    via u/Own-League-7473
  • She s ks too though. She knows she's with someone neurotic about color and is pushing it. The reason you S k more is that there is no way this is the only "I don't like it so you can't" on your list. I'll bet that is the crux of the "stupid" stuff you say every weekend and end up fighting over. That would make the "not letting her be a person" comment make much more sense. This cannot all actually be able pillows.
    via u/Own-League-7473
  • Why would either of you choose to be in a relationship where you fight every weekend? And over something as silly as pillows??
    via u/Own-League-7473
  • txa1265 my fiancée Oh good - you are not married yet! Don't get married until you can figure out how to act and communicate like adults ... or break up.
    via u/txa1265
  • ESH - actual adults communicate and compromise. Maybe have one room where she can decorate but others where it remains '2 yes or it is a no'. Or you could be petty and but a bunch of things she hates or is afraid of and put them all around the house. (not serious with that one you should break up if you cannot communicate) -
    via u/txa1265
  • Exciting-Froyo3825 INFO what other restrictions does she have on her imposed by you? What other things have you been getting into fights about? Her saying "you aren't letting me be a person" implies that she is feeling boxed in and not allowed to express herself, do the things she wants or have freedom in the shared space.
    via u/Exciting-Froyo3825

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